[ Dec 28 ]

Quite fun to hang out with oldies....

we had

A & W - float root beer + double scoops ice cream waffle

McD- large twister fries, GSC- packet of M&M

Mamak- Tosai with eggs + teh tarik....@@

woot....first time have such heavy meal^^........

next looking forward with new year eve outing^^

dinner at northam beach cafe and forward to Mois wahahahzx....

犯贱!

maybe i shouldnt be so selfish for not giving you freedom....i think is i over estimating myself.....i have nothing for you,,...but you still dont mind i shouldnt be choosy towards you..its my fault for over estimating on myself ...i'm too ego ...too pride for ownself...i'm nothing....and i shouldnt beg for anything,,.......i'm so sorry for keep asking more..i'm not worth for requesting.....

perhaps shall think properly before i done anything..

[ Dec 26 ]

Why m i aacting in so different ???? i'm so kiddy rite now.....so aggresive, being not the one who i used to be!!!! its so difficult for me to control own emotion rite now.....its damn weird....one day he will be tire of my alttitude too.......

suddenly felt like i'm so fan jian why m i making myself so cheap what ever i done its useless.....

when i'm not there to acc u, but u beg me to ...when i am there rite now u left me behind alone....what have i done in the past ???? untill i get this karma from youS.......m i over react?????i dont know i just know a fact there is a chance for me to leave but u said wan mme acc u so i lied again and again......i tried so hard i dotn know what did i get the reply.....is that a good decision since the beginning????i'm started to suspect myself m i doing the correct decision>>????

i'm so fake FAKE FAKE FAKE FFFFFFFAKE... i'm like the puppet of others why m i making myself so useless...why...its really pain u cant heard my suffer....you cant feel the way i'm suffocated with .......when the tears drop u thinkk thats kiddy.......enuff!!!!!ENOUGH!!! I HAD ENOUGH ......I HAD ALL THE TEARS FOR NOBODY......JUST IMMATURE FOR OTHERS,.....

DEC 14

why i felt like starting from the last Christmas...i'm celebrating the first and the last Christmas with my boyfriend...is it because of the karma of mine????? To confess about my sins????

I have no idea.....i never celebrate Valentine's Day with my boyfriend , NEVER!!!! During the past two years....even with boy friend my Valentine's Day like nothing....it just like normal...why cant go go for a simple dinner.....????

However my in my last Valentine's , I was like hell.....in the deep dungeon!!!!

The coming soon will be my first orientation day in Curtin University !!!! What the heck!!!!

O yeah nearly forget ......i do own a puppy love style Valentine's celebration with A.T..^^ by receiving presents ....

Thanks A.T for the immaturity relationship^^ which like 'fairy tales '^^ for done alot of stupid things together......took rapid as transport to round the town.....cried and laughter along....

Will it be late to confess down here for reducing my karma?????

for KL, yes i do love you before.....i had waited you for five years for a simple action even few words will do but you had not came out with it.....so i' so tire right that time so i request myself to give others a chance......

for AT, yes i do love you but since i'm in relationships in the term of marriage so i had give up this relationship cause you are too kiddy mind set.....end up with no frenship how sad

for JL, i had give you two years time to change and keep your promise...i do think of give up my studies to follow you for the rest of my life but luckily i realise you are not the one will really will take all the responsibility.....thats why i give up

for AQ, i thought you are the best person that i could lay on you for the rest of my life cz you really a responsible and mature type.....but it turned out i'm not urs.....i thought you really meant it for the second time to date me , it turned up like you are revenging me for the choice i did in the past.....you dumped me from heaven to hell......i lived like corpse life ever after..

Now its the time for my dear one.......i really keep hoping we will end up in happy ever after.....i hope you will not disappointing me...i wan to see my dear turns out to be a mature and responsible man to take care of me for the rest of my life......the one who can give me a name of home and family....

DEC 8

So exhausted!!!.... really regret for partner with fren for cookies freakzx hahazx...though it is fun but tire and lack of time to acc my dear dear......so i quit now and do my own so that i have more time for my dear dear???? if i quit now i could do some at home .....and night i have time for my dear dear.....aikzx i'm totally lost...its last 2 months in M'sia...i'm going to leave soon and wouldnt back in a year time...should i quit doing cookies now????

DEC 5

Haha just back from Hadtyai....i'm so satisfying with this trip because i had lots of Thai's speciallities from the food stall.....it was fun to eat this much^^
this trip is the 1st trip going oversea with dear dear...damn enjoying^^i had gaeng som, som tam papaya, somtam manggo, khao mun gai, khao kha mo, tom yam kong.....etc damn love the food and the spicyness heherzx....really making fun around....having Thai's brown rice milk and special burger from 7-ll which is not a bread....which using glutinuous rice to sandwich the burger slice.....i feel like going again the the sake of food ^^ going to try out khuntai and annathai kitchen soon^^

DEC 4

You wont miss a thing unless you are going to lose it....

I suddenly realize of this phrase...yesterday tea time when i was eating roti canai and 'ti kuih' i was thinking of i'll miss the taste in Penang after i going to Australia.....

It almost a year...i still can remember the incident very clearly....i stated it as 'incident' because it really do ^^ i felt relieving because i'm going to leave to another place ...i have a new circumstance to handle so i have no time for it again and again...after the times in Australia , it will be better person for my dear one...if i said 100% to my dear , its really a lie..so i never said so...i feel bad to have the thought but everything will be fine because i'm leaving....i hate myself damn much for hoping much...maybe i'm like 'easy going' stuff to him right now...but i dont care cause i have an angel beside me now^^i still able to see the scar from the wounded area...i could remember how i felt before this...my angel comes to me right now...enlighten my life and bring me up as who am i...of course i have to thank him too ...for making me tough as i am and half to my dream...it is not about blaming...it was just a test from the god for me^^because i'm not a LAME person...i'm not a glass anymore...and yet havent upgraded to become iron...maybe just a concrete wall...and thanks i'm not that dumb to get suicided though it was going to ...my angel gave me another life...i'm appreciate the time with my dear right now...hope in the reality also having the phrase 'forever happy ever' as in cartoon's. ^^

Perhaps I had been a Christmas ‘present’ to for you to colour up your Christmas celebration…

Because I really don’t understand why…..i have shouted everything out today…everybody will knowing the story soon or later..i felt relieve rite now to shout out everything about you…

Hope i would manage to celebrate Christmas again...and the memories wont flash back...sometimes i felt weird to have all my ex around me^^ it is so weird....but sooner or later i'll be free of the 'back'...

Wish me luck^^

I'll prove to you , and you will regret by dumping me alone from heaven to hell without a single reason which made me to the hell gate

DEC 1

This few days keep busy with the cookies stuff until me dear dear angry d heherzx....

yesterday put him airplane and it was my first time i dont know dear dear will mad at me too^^

but dear dear went into 7-11 and bought a can of drink which was not our preference...because punishing himself for making me angry^^my dear dear so cute...and so sorry to him that though i have stop working but still unable to spare some time for him^^

NOV 25

I dont know why it turns out in this way....i'm controlling myself not to lost my patience again but i did.

i'm so sad..feel like crying...i dont know is that my fault or what...i have no idea of it...why it turns out like this...M i being ridiculous???

all i need is your care.....why i disagree for gaming on weekdays the reason as you see...keep arguing everyday because you are tire for everything...even lazy yo argue with me ..i'm not trying to bring out all the subjects but please after i had back have you really look at me....have you really care for me....it seems like you just do what ever i wanted...its like forcing you to choose...i have done the best to accompany you even in the midnight...everyday i after work must continue with my cookies until late aT NIGHT...i have no more time left behind...all the time i'm free to talk to you is midnight....what ever will do ...i shall prevent myself to call up again and again...it makes me look like i'm so easy going type..i shouldnt keep look after you than myself....i seems like treat you the better than own self...seems like the thing is going the wrong way....i should change it back on the original position...it just like you said i have made you feel 'safe' in this relationship because i made you feel i'm falling deep into it......i shall return to the actual me....because i'm not being myself in the present...i have became the one i dont know who m i

Nov 24

Today i had done tonnes of cookies with friend it quite not a bad result for the 1st day to work together ^^

you know why m i keep mad at you recently??? because i'm going to leave soon, you seems cant really prove to me you able to take good care of yourself and be responsible upon your own...just hope you will really know where is my point..i'm not trying to be ridiculous to angry for nothing but you..for not really focus on me..i'm not that type....

NOV 23

I'm so so so angry and mad at someone today....

He kept complaining me that his dad will murmuring on him if he still keep going out to play game until late at night in the weekdays , but he still continue to do so.....i dont know why cant you just go play in the weekend....i dont mean not letting you to enjoy gaming with your fren but why must be week day??? arent you going to work tmr morning?? what i'm mad on you is i hope you could behave yourself not letting ur dad keep mumbling on you....but it seems oppose to wat i want..cant you prove it to ur dad u could be a responsible person too?? i mad on you because i'm sad not angry...i'm sad to heard you mentioning ur dad keep not agree with what are you doing...is this what you want for the future???i have no idea...perhap my leaving would be better for us in the coming FEB because i'm not around and i have no idea what are you doing...you could enjoy ur life.. i have neva try to feel like cry when i mad on someone and 'congratz' you are the 1st..maybe its my fault to be over react ..maybe it will be fine i i'm being care free ...perhaps i should try out to let you alone and not to call up everyday...

Hadtyai

Wao , i could said its was my torturing trip ever i had but fun and memorable^^

From the beginning due to Penang Bridge Marathon..we had to use ferry go over Butterworth to took bus to Hadtyai...

Early in the morning about 4am with heavy down pour...two person sharing one small umbrella....how do you feel????...i'm wet like cats and dogs....Finally everything settled down by 7am and our journey started...Had our breakfast around BM area.....the main purpose going over there is the Lantern Festival.....it was fun ...especially the floating market...the foods look so delicious......and special...when the way back...we met a heavy traffic congestion at Thai immigration....i took 2 hrs to reach Malaysia's Custom with just 20min to walk from there.......me and mum had Marry Brown's burger as dinner....

after home i'm so eager to hear my dear dear voice but it was so disappointed he is gaming with his Gang....perhaps going to sleep in awhile ^^

Miss the TIME

Damn love F6 life with those freaking girls...ponteng for Big Apples Donuts opening ceremony for Free 6 Donuts PAck!!! Approx 6 girls running out from sch compound while the lesson is on with tonnes of cc TVs.....Ponteng For fine art temple's Rice^^ for Vietnamese's water festival...playing water gun in Vietnamese temples...Form teacher also headache with those "MC" girls ^^...eating nasi lemak infront of teacher..as breakfast somemore 'tar bao' for some teachers ^^....we girls so so so famous....for Eating in class...group ponteng...belanja teacher makan.....BLAh blah bLah~~~..i do remember almost recess time lazy to queuing up for buying food...tell tutor we going for 'DUTY' run away from class straight flee to canteen...hahazx which means duty for filling our own stomach because no need wait in a long queue...I'm wondering why????WHY?? why we just done those silly stuff in Form 6 not the lower form ^^....still searching for no ans.....perhaps have lots of freaking girls around hahahzx.....miss Ya girls lots...see YA soon

Bon voyage in the trip of the future...

A Letter for HIM

Hope you really take your promise^^

i'll be waiting for you to finish your degree...

Days in Penang is getting less....i know its hard for you too but why dont just think in the other way[这次的别离意味着下一次的重逢] ^^take it as a challenge for our relationship, better for our future..and to show our parents we can make it....Let they feel we really grown up d^^..no more kiddy stuff....you know it...its not easy for us to maintain our relationship until now...you know we are so so so different from other couples...you know the times when the relationship starts its really kill u up rite???? So lets make the impossibles happens...everything is possible.....i wont regret for everything happened in this year....meeting you is another chance for me at here^^ maybe u feel its FAKE..but honestly really thanks for making me stand up still until today^^...thanks for your thoughtful personalities....thanks for loving me hahazx......And yet thanks dear dear and his family for willing to be my white mouse and support me in my baking stuff....willing to try and comments hahazx.....thanks dear dear so i can go to his house makan and makan {i'm so bad}hehe....LOVE YOU...

Complicated Mood

Suddenly wana shout out....realise i love my daddy more than mum just i doesnt show it out^^

I used to feel like her boy is more important than me SERIOUSLY.....

no matter how i treat my daddy he just kept silent..{i'm so so salah diri} haha....

Daddy will lets me try everything i want...and wont break my dream but MUM...used to break my dream...i know the reality is cruel...if i dare not dream DEN WHERE IS MY FUTURE???

IF i'm not that stubborn insist i wana took up baking course in this MARCh 2010...then i'm wasted my 1 YEAR time in 2010...i cant earn some pocket $ from home bake.....

I'm sort like i ever tried i wont give up...even i have wasted my money...i'm invest on Experience and learn from the mistakes i had done...some how i feel it is worth^^i just wana said 'MUM I"M NOT A KIDS ANYMORE'....just treat me like daddy doess^^

Going to Aus soon...can feel daddy's mood is swing....hard for him that daughter is going to leave home.......I dont worry about my BF actually {Blekszz}...cause i believe in him ...we work out for our future together..separate for 3 years would brings bright future for the later 10 years perhaps 30 years^^he is going to take up Diploma EE...he wana pursue his dream to UK^^ better to be German^^ Finally we will end up at the same par...meet again after 3 years for a mature relationship^^....

Bro ....he grown up d nothing much to worry about him...hehe...just let him do wat ever he wana try..let him feel the outcome once he tried....stubborn as me too^^...so i end up like know nothing about my bro even his course hahazx